Balancing Act.

I’m at a strange intersection in my treatment plan. I am trying to balance my feelings of not being ready for another cycle with the fact that my insurance year ends on November 30th. It would be wonderful to say that cost doesn’t play a part in infertility treatment planning, but as anyone who’s been though this knows, it plays a huge part. Our next cycle is going to be extra expensive since we are doing PGS testing. This tests Day 5 blasts for chromosomal abnormalities. It is also considered experimental and is not covered by insurance. The estimated cost of this testing plus the required freezing (if there are any normal embryos) is $6700. Ouch. That said, it would be nice to save the additional $2k-3k of our deductible and out of pocket by staying within this year.

I am terrified of spending this money. Two of my defining personality traits are risk-aversion and pessimism. They probably go hand-in-hand. Why take risks when they will end badly? So spending $7k, $8k, $10k on something with mediocre (at best) chances of success is putting me in a situation of major anxiety. We were originally planning on October for a retrieval. This means that for 3 months prior I should probably be avoiding alcohol, caffeine, enjoyment of life, etc. I haven’t exactly been doing that. So now I’m adding guilt to my money-anxiety, pessimistic thought spiral.

Side note – I am incredibly thankful that my state has an insurance coverage mandate for 4 IVF retrievals. I know this is rare, and I could not be pursuing treatment without it. However, starting the cycle for retrieval number 3 really amps up the pressure for success due to this limit. Definitely first world problems, I know.

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