It’s Official: Not Pregnant.

Never thought I’d be so relieved to get a negative pregnancy test (actually a negative beta for those in the IF-know). As a sidebar- I guess I was that relieved about it once before – a long long looong time ago, but those were much different times. I got Beta #7 today and it was negative, so now I don’t have to do any more Dr.-ing until I want to start BCP for the next cycle. The Dr. said I could go in today or Monday for Beta #7, but I was hoping to get this all squared away in May as some sort of calendar specified closure, so I went this morning.

On a related note, my 31st birthday is Sunday. I stopped taking BCP on my 29th birthday (I actually ended a pack that day and thought it was some sign from the universe that 29 was the year that I’d get pregnant – ha). I am not sure how I am feeling about it. I think these milestones are hard during IF because you can’t help but feel the time slipping by (and wonder – will I turn 32 and be in the exact same place of IF?). I know I’ll only be a day older Sunday than I am on Saturday, but it still feels significant to me.

Semi-related note, I got a necklace with B1/B2’s birth stone. (Another sidebar – the name we’ve always given to our future baby starts with a B. We called them B1 & B2 this time around and threatened them that if they didn’t make it, we’d get rid of that B-name forever. Perhaps threatening and intimidating growing embryos was not the way to go. Now DH is feeling sentimental and wants to call the next batch of embryos B3 & B4. I suggested Turd 1 and Turd 2, but he felt that was too mean.) So anyway, I wanted a way to remember B1/2, and suggested it to DH. He thought that would make it harder to let go and move on, but I thought it might be the opposite. You know, the whole idea of tying a string around your finger – you can look at it and remember the thing it represents, but you don’t have to keep it in your head ALL THE TIME. So I got a necklace with a tiny tiny bit of turquoise on it – for their December due date. Jury is out on whether it will help me to heal, but right now it feels good to have something to remember them by.


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