People keep asking me how I’m doing. I really appreciate it every time someone asks, because it means that I’m not the only person still thinking about this. It’s a difficult question to answer though. I am participating in society – going to work, going to friends’ parties, etc., but I am not really engaged in what I’m doing. I feel like so much of my brain is busy trying to rationalize what happened and change what happened that I am very fatigued. My DH seems to be faring better – he seems genuinely interested in his life. I’m not sure when I will get back to that point.
My morale is so low that it’s distracting. My focus is not on the present, not at work or at home. It’s mostly on the past – and slightly on a fear of the future. And all the while, the weeks just keep on ticking by.