The Worst 2WW

So I haven’t been a very good poster. I was afraid of jinxing things, since the IVF cycle appeared to be going so well. I didn’t have to worry about that as things jinxed themselves just fine. Long story short, we retrieved 15 eggs, 12 were mature, and 10 fertilized. We did a 5 day transfer of two embryos, one which looked nearly perfect. 5 more made it to freeze. Everything was progressing well, and I got a BFP on a home test at 5dp5dt. The BFPs got progressively darker and I started having some early pregnancy symptoms. Then, on 7dp5dt, I started having brown spotting. I called the Dr. and they said that it was totally normal, and to come in 9dp5dt for Beta #1, as planned. I did and Beta #1 was 396! I kept spotting, and was freaking out before Beta #2, as I also had some red bleeding. The Dr. again assured me, no reason to worry – wait for Beta #2. Beta #2 was 1109 (doubling time of 37 hours), they were very pleased.

They scheduled my first ultrasound for 16 days later. 9 days later, I had some heavier red bleeding with clots. I freaked and called the Dr. – who said, if it will make you feel better, we can do a Beta #3 tomorrow, but it’s going to be fine and you should just wait for the ultrasound. I really didn’t feel like things were fine, so I went in for Beta #3. It was 506. Totally devastating. At 5w6d, I was told that the pregnancy was no longer progressing. They wanted me to continue progesterone shots and come back for Beta #4 at 6w2d. Beta #4 was 189.

The worst 2WW is waiting for the actual miscarriage to be over. (Actually according to my Dr., this is not an early miscarriage, it’s an early pregnancy loss – makes me feel so much better to know that, doc). I have had 3 days of cramping and heavyish bleeding, but I’m not sure if the worst is over. We met with the Dr. and he thinks it’s just bad luck. He feels that we have a good chance with a FET, and he doesn’t think we need to do any additional testing for me or PGD for the embryos. It’s hard to think about moving on and moving forward. I don’t think enough importance is given to these early losses. After just shy of 2 years of trying to conceive, we finally got our BFP – only to have it gone, just like that. This next step really feels like the true definition of insanity – we a literally using embryos from the exact same day and hoping for a different result. It’s hard for me to feel hopeful. I feel like this process will never end.




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