Bad Decisions

I did pretty much the worst thing you can do in a 2WW after an IUI today. I tested early. It’s 11dpiui, and I tested. It was negative. I knew it would be negative. It might be too early, it might really be negative. Now I’m depressed, which was exactly what I knew would happen. I spent a good 20 minutes in the bathroom holding the stupid stick at every angle trying to will the slightest shadow of a line to appear. Nada.

Why did I do this to myself? Because I have no willpower. I tested on days 8 and 9 as well to make sure the trigger shot was out of my system (which it was by day 9). I then told myself – Self, you will wait until 13dpiui at the absolute earliest to test. We had many conversations about it, myself and I. But when I woke up at 4am this morning – probably due to anxiety about testing – I couldn’t hold out – I had to test. So now, I still don’t know if I’m pregnant and instead I’m just upset. Awesome. Happy Monday.

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